At my lowest point, I remember describing our life as 10% love it, 10 % hate it and 80% endure it. That sounds really sad to me now, but I know what I meant when I said it and I know it’s true. With 3 kids under 3 (twins or not, if you’ve got more than two this close together you know what I’m talking about) you never, ever stop. The day is unstoppable. Clean them, feed them, burp them, comfort them, clean them again, more food….. in all of this, it was sad watching poor Arch get put to the side again and again. Here are some letters that I wrote to him about a month after the twins were born.
26th August 2010
The other day you and I were out in the backyard chasing ants. It was your game. You wanted to chase ants around the yard and then hide in the tent under the house. At one point, you had some ‘cheese’ for the ants to eat and also some milk. It’s one of the many, many things I love about you baby, is your gorgeous, hilarious, creative imagination. I loved loved loved playing with you. I want you to know this because right now in our lives is a difficult time. Perhaps most difficult for you. We brought Rafi and Sonny home one month ago, and your life has turned on it’s head. I love you so much little man and my heart is constantly torn because I find it hard to manage Rafi, Sonny and you all at once. So, because you are older, you get packed off to day care or Grandma and Granddad’s place so that your Daddy and me only have to focus on the babies. I wonder all the time what you must think. Do you feel left out? Excluded? Unwanted? I want you to know that you are every bit as important to me as you ever were, I couldn’t imagine my life without you.
18th September 2010
At the moment you are calling yourself Buzz Lightyear, your Daddy is Woody, Rafi and Sonny are crocodiles and I am Waterfall. I have no idea were Waterfall came from but I think it is so sweet, I hope you never go back to calling me Mummy. There are so many cute and funny things that you do. You are always giving my ‘money and card’, which I think comes from watching us at the ATM. I also love it when you make car noises but run out of breath half way through. It is also super cute (but slightly annoying) how you arrange up your cars in a precision line up around the dining room table. You also love to dance with Daddy as you are doing right now while I write this. You are amazing how you find your way around difficult situations too. You will often find a compromise when you don’t want to do what I want you to do. Like if you don’t want to eat your dinner, you’ll say ‘Hey I got a dear (idea)’ and then suggest you eat it while sitting on the floor or that Daddy puts the food in your mouth or maybe that you take a certain toy to the table. It’s wonderful to see you problem solving like this at the age of not quite 3. I think your smile and laugh are two of the best things in the world. You are so beautiful when your face lights up with a smile. But you are beautiful all the time. You are also amazing with your little brothers. A little heavy handed out of enthusiasm, but you give them cuddles all the time and sometimes you shush them when they are crying while you are watching TV or something.
Darling, you will be 3 soon and I can hardly believe it. Before long you will go to kindy, prep then school and I will watch you become more and more amazing as you grow. I hope you look back on this time as positive. I hope you are able to understand how difficult it was having twins and you at the same time, but also that I love all three of you wildly.