Playing favourites

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Boy, nobody really sums it up like this chick http://www.mamamia.com.au/parenting/carpe-diem-doesnt-work-for-me/ Check it out of you haven’t already.

I can’t tell you how many times I have been approached in public with awww…twins, what a blessing, how special, aren’t you lucky type comments. I do recall after one stretch of really difficult days, I was walking around some random Westfield feeling like my eyes and heart were about to fall out, and I ran into an old friend from high school. The squeal….OMG!!! Look at you!! Twins? Are they identical? Both boys? How many weeks did you carry them? Did you breastfeed? Did you have them naturally? Sure, I’ll answer your questions, and do you mind if I ask the results of your most recent pap smear test? Yeah, I sighed, it’s pretty hard work. OHHHHH BUT IT’S WORTH IT ISN’T IT? She replied rapturously. Heh, yeah I say. Don’t wish it away they say. It all goes too fast they say. But me? I can’t wait to have two toilet trained three and a half year old twins.

So back to my topic for today, favourites. I know it’s not acceptable to say you’ve got a favourite. It’s not acceptable to say a lot of things as a Mum. I love Felicity Huffman for being so honest as to say that motherhood was not the best experience of her life. She also said it’s really hard and I’m losing my mind. Love it. I digress. Favourites. One screams incessantly and one just smiles and cuddles. One throws toys at my head and one sits snuggled in my lap and points at books. Guess which is my current favourite. I tune out. I hear screaming and it’s like the boy who cried wolf. Yeah yeah, harden up, you’ll survive. So I hear trouble screaming (again) the other day and I just ignore. Then he keeps going. As usual. But I look at him, and his big blue eyes are looking back. So I pick him up and he holds me so tight, like he just really needed to hold me. And his little voice says mummy for the first time. My heart fills up to the top and I know that I’ll never be a good enough mummy for these two boys who need all of me and only get half.

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3 responses »

  1. I don’t think we’re ever as good as we could be, but I reckon you’re doing pretty good.

    My mum had 3 boys under 4 at one point (fortunately for her, that wasn’t a very long time) and I reckon we received more than enough love. So I wouldn’t worry on that score.

  2. “My heart fills up to the top and I know that I’ll never be a good enough mummy for these two boys who need all of me and only get half.”

    This sentence made my heart hurt. I can relate to this with every bone in my body. As mothers of twins we do the best we can, and sometimes it just doesn’t seem like it could possibly be enough. But I can tell by your writing that you are a wonderful mother who loves her babies very much. Keep on doing what you are doing- your babies know that you love them!

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