Really, how long can a kid go without eating a scrap of dinner? How on earth do they figure out so damn quickly that anything colourful must be a vegetable and therefore, is the enemy and is to be shunned, nay, thrown to the winds or ground into the tiny cracks between the floor boards? You’re two. How the hell do you know to reject healthy food? I know the last time you ate, I know you were strategically given no afternoon tea and I freakin know that I delayed dinner on purpose so that you’d be gut rumblingly hungry. You squeal with excitement when I bring dinner out but the minute you lay eyes on it your lips are zipped tighter than Campbell Newman’s* purse strings. Then comes the melt down. For the love of the Masterchef franchise, for the love of all things holy EAT!!
It has been a three day battle of wills. Night three has seen the breakdown of Mr Almost 5’s resolve not to eat his spaghetti bolognese as it contained the offence of peas and carrots. I only won because I had the almighty combined power of the TV remote control AND apple pie for dessert. Twin two was my knight in shining saliva for two nights, the only one that ate, until tonight, when he spat out his only spoonful of colourful goodness. It has been three days since twin one has eaten dinner. He and I are eyeing each other across the battle ground, spoons in hand, both as unwilling as the other to budge. It doesn’t matter what I do, it doesn’t matter what new ideas I try, how hard I hide the good stuff, how small I chop it, I am having the same fight every mother lovin’ day of my life. And oh, how I am over it.
I know what you want kid. You want a biscuit, a drink of milk, yoghurt, porridge, you want cake, you want custard. You want life to serve you up treats without the pain of broccoli. You want saturated fats with no investment in complex carbohydrates. Well kid, I am in the throws of desperately trying to avoid Dirty Harry quotes as I say to you, you and I are not finished. I will meet you on the battle ground for as long as it takes for you to understand that I will not compromise on your dietary health. Until the point of course where your unbending will crushes my determination to ensure you eat colour.
*non Queensland readers – conservative State Premier who is in the process of gutting social services and sacking thousands of state workers to ‘balance the budget’