Parenting 101: Second Edition


I thought it was time for a review of parenting dos and don’ts, given the calibre of gob smacking, heart breaking parenting classics that have come rollicking through my door in the past little while. I wrote a while back about some parenting basics that we should all really have a handle on. That post was written with my tongue in my cheek and my sense of humour well and truly at the keyboard. This one may be a little more terse. Tonight I write out of pure righteous anger.

1. Don’t text your daughter and call her a slut. In fact, don’t ever call anyone a slut. No such person exists. But really and truly, call your own daughter a slut, and then come over here so I can shake some fucking sense into you.

2. If your son is failing school, has extremely low intelligence, no social skills and hasn’t the faintest idea how to pull himself out of the total black hole of disadvantage that is his life, and if there are lots of people trying to help him, LET THEM!

3. Protect your daughters. At all costs. Keep bad people away from them.

4. If bad people get to your daughters, tell her it wasn’t her fault and for crying out loud get her some help.

5. If your kid is cutting themselves, don’t tell them they’re stupid and just trying to get attention. They are demonstrating to you that they have no problem solving skills, and that there is nobody they feel they can talk to. Please don’t get angry at them or ground them. Is it so hard to just listen?

6. If your kid attends school for 30 days out of the year, this is a bad thing. This means they have no education. This may also mean that they cannot read and write. This is very difficult to correct. You have a chance to get your kid educated for free. Take it.

7. If your daughter is in grade 12, weeks from the end game, and is genuinely trying to study hard, stop asking her to babysit, clean the house, drive her brother to footy and help cook the dinner. Give her a break already.

8. If your 13 year old daughter is sexually active, somewhere along the line she missed a message about her value. And FYI, take her to the damn doctor.

9. Please just do stuff together. Please? Just a walk, a cup of tea, a game of cards. Please just do something different, one small thing just from today onwards.

10. Your kid has gold inside them. Even if they are a completely obnoxious little shit most of the time. There’s gold in there.


I know, I know, I am not the perfect parent either. Why, just today in fact I embarrassed myself by screaming like a banshee when twin 2 streaked across the day care car park as I ran in pursuit, other twin dragged along behind in my panic. I managed to trip my own son over on the bitumen in my attempts to keep him from being flattened by a car. Looked like a dick in the process too. Believe me I know. We fail. But I just had to rant. Forgive me.


2 responses »

    • Dear me, no way Muzz. Thanks but. I just have to have these vents from time to time. I don’t blame the parents really, they almost certainly have had totally crap lives too.

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