We are the twins. We have guest blogged before but it was quite some time ago. This is the first time since then that we’ve had access to the puter for long enough to write to you all. At present, Mum is sufficiently distracted with her end of day bit of a sit down. We may have to work fast as that woman seems to know what we are up to even when she’s in another room. So long as we make sufficient noise, we should be OK. That woman is SO suspicious of silence.
Look, brothers, we are going through a bit of a rough patch. We feel so misunderstood you know? So we felt that we should try to explain some of our situation to you. Perhaps we might gain some empathy from you the reader, and possibly, when our Mum reads this, we can all start singing from the same song sheet.
We are learning our words and we talk heaps these days but when emotions run hot, tantruming is still our go-to mode of communication. Take for example, breakfast time. So, we know that Mum has been trying to wean us off our favourite breakfast cereal because it has too much sugar or some such bollocks. We assume she naively thought that if she just didn’t mention it for long enough, that we’d just, you know, FORGET. Like she did with dummies. Like she did with bottles. The hurt remains Mum. The hurt remains. So with the breakfast cereal thing we weren’t going down quietly. We nagged. And nagged. And nagged. And guess what! She GAVE IN! So the much anticipated morning came. We were woken with the delightful news of what was in store for us for our breakfast. Mum was excited, we were happy, it was a great start to the day. For about two and a half minutes. She served up the much loved breakfast cereal and we took one look at it and our course of action was clear. We had no choice but to throw our bowls and scream. I know you will understand brothers. You won’t believe it, she put the milk in before the honey! The humanity.
It’s a mere snapshot of the type of tribulation with with we live daily. Another example brothers. On our way home from day care today. Yes day care brothers, don’t get us started on that one. We had our backpacks on, happily walking to the car. And then disaster struck. SHE asked us to REMOVE the backpacks so that we could be strapped into our car seats. Well. You see that the only option available to us was to throw ourselves on the dirty bitumen of the car park and scream out the agony that lives inside our hearts. Then she had the nerve to get mad because of the spectacle of wrestling two tantruming almost three year olds into the car. Always more concerned with her public image than with our well being. Sigh.
By now you’re beginning to see how difficult things are for us on a daily basis. The last example and perhaps the most poignant. Certainly the most painful. One of our number recently saw fit to throw the bath plug down the toilet and flush it. Naturally. It made a good sound brothers, why wouldn’t you? And besides, holes were made for putting things in. So anyway, after the obligatory, but overacted that was so naughty speech, things seemed all forgiven and back to normal. But no. Bath time came around. Brothers. You won’t believe what she did. She showered us. Made us stand naked in the freezing cold and sprayed us with some kind of torturous water jet. Somebody please call the authorities, she must be stopped! Why she couldn’t just reach her arm down there and pull the damn plug out of the s-bend is beyond us brothers. She just wanted to make us pay.
So our message to you brothers is that you are not alone. Hang in there. Persist with honour, and you will bend her to your will. Eventually. Our message to Mum is simple, be ever watchful mother, there are two of us, and only one of you.