A beginner’s guide: How to wear spots with stripes

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Because let’s face it, I AM a beginner. Never have I EVER given fashion advice to anyone. Not least of all because I normally dress like this for work…

Women's The Diva Boot-Cut Jeans - Acadia

 

…this on the weekend…

Women's The Diva Boot-Cut Jeans - Acadia

 

…and this for going out…

Paraguay_costume

 

But I wanted to spread my blogging wings and so fashion advice it is. Spots and stripes. I must admit, initially, I could not imagine any parallel universe where this could work. I think the first piece of advice is that you really have to think about it. Really. It can go so very wrong. And this pretty much rules me out from the get go, because I can’t give more than 90 seconds worth of planning to my daily work wardrobe. It is time wasted in the morning when I could be attending to more pleasurable duties such as wiping porridge off the walls.

Secondly, I think you need to really choose your pieces carefully. This is no time for a Supre ensemble that looked good on the mannequin while you were high on Bieber and Chupa Chups. You need quality, you need heels, you need class. Again, I’m out. My workwear needs to be adaptable to any situation. I need to kick a footy around in it, catch flying chairs in it, visit juvy in it, paint, garden and play in the sand pit in it. Heels only get done once a year when my birthday falls on a workday. And if I turned up in spots and stripes, the boys would relentlessly take the piss.

My third piece of advice is the same advice I give for medical questions, geographic questions, historical questions and pretty much everything else. Google it stupid. Do some research and look at what works for others. And if you are spending any amount of time at all Googling how to wear spots with stripes, slap yourself in the face and do something useful with your time. There are starving children in Africa didn’t you know??

Finally, there is one, enduring piece of fashion advice that can never fail. Coco Chanel said it. I say it. Take a look in the mirror. Take something off. My advice would be either the spots or the stripes. Have a really good look and ask yourself, do I look stupid? If the answer is yes, the take it all off and start again.

 

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