Monthly Archives: October 2014

I broke up with my TV

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I had this relationship that had become a bit stale. Like this old person kind of hanging around, but I was still feeling this level of obligation to them because we had shared so much history and that. It had come to the point where, to be honest (and maybe a bit brutal) it was an inconvenient relationship. It was a bit awks too because they were just like there all the time you know. Look to be honest with you, it was nothing more than a relationship of convenience. Meaningless noise in the background. Gosh I know that sounds heartless but let’s be honest. It’s not that I’m not thankful. We’ve shared some life changing moments. The first female Prime Minister, the worldwide Ebola crisis, MH17 and 370, various World Cups, numerous election nights, the Royal Wedding, the Bachelor Finale. Unforgettable.

The main problem was that this relationship had started to choke out some of my other relationships. And I never said let’s be exclusive, can we just put that right out there ok. We had a standing date for the seven o’clock news. Every night. It was like a deadline in the sand and I couldn’t miss it. Some would say the hallmark of a controlling relationship. It did nothing for me other than to make putting the kids to bed even more stressful. You could almost say that this relationship had become more important than spending time with my kids. Ewwww.

If you have followed this blog for some time, you may recall me writing about my entertaining life with depression and twins. One of the things that I have really struggled with is noise. Yes noise, far too much of it in fact. Imagine my surprise when, after dumping my erstwhile companion, I discovered a significant reduction in noise in my life! This was accompanied by an inexplicable yet divine increase in silence, peace and calm! Had I known that ending this relationship would instantly make me more available to my kids and husband AND make less noise, I would have done it years ago. But hey. Live and learn, live and learn.

Ending this relationship has liberated me. It’s like I’m having my own Eat, Pray, Love moment. I can’t believe how many extra hours there are in an evening for a start. I am even thinking of getting out my dusty, old, incomplete cross stitch that I started in China in 2007. It’s been in the garage for years, another victim of this toxic relationship. I am reading TWO books! Hello brain! My husband and I had an ENTIRE conversation like three nights in a row last week. I think I’m sleeping better because I’m already wound down by the time I hit the pillow. And look, blogging again. I’m glad we said goodbye. I don’t miss you.

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The Cabinet

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My husband and I once made up a game called Noun, Verb, Adjective. The object is to think of a word that is all three. Totes nerdy much? Go on, try it. So it should come as no surprise then, that we spent the Sunday morning of our anniversary weekend away coming up with our dream team of politics. It started with our hand picked cross bench holding the balance of power in the Senate, but then we decided to go full tilt and design the Dream Cabinet. Not all members are current or even former politicians and we have made up some new portfolios and perhaps left some out. You may need to be an Australian reader to appreciate this list in its entirely, and I especially encourage you leave your suggestions in the comments section.

Tim Costello – Minister for Families and Community, and Prime Minister

Adam Goodes – Foreign Minister and Minister for Defence

Miriam Lyons – Minister for New Ideas and Vision

Larissa Waters – Minister for Planning and a Urban Affairs

Tara Moss – Minister for Women

Jane Caro – Minister for Education (obvs)

Eva Cox- Minister for Seniors

Lenore Taylor – Minister for Communications

Julian Burnside -Minister for Immigration

Tim Winton – Minister for Literacy

Christine Milne – Minister for Renewable Energy and Climate Change and Deputy Leader

Waleed Aly – Minister for Inclusion of Young People

Charlie Pickering – Minister for the Arts

Malcolm Turnbull – Minister for Bipartisanship

Michael Leunig – Minister for Early Education

Tony Windsor – Minister for Primary Industries

Stella Young – Minister for Disabilities

Gary Ablett – Minister for Sport

Debbie Kilroy – Attorney General

Ross Garnaut – Treasurer and Minister for Finance

Heather Ridout – Minister for Health

…and on the opposition benches…

Maurice Newman – Leader and Minister for Reintroducing 1950s Values

Jarrod ‘pleasure’ Bleijie – Deputy Leader and Minister for Crushing the Hopes of Young People

Alan Jones – Minister for Negative Agenda Setting

Karl Stefanovic – Minister for Having a Drink at Work

Christopher Pyne – Minister for Private School Snobbery

Andrew Bolt – Minister for Free Thought

Janet Albrechtsen – Token Minister for Women’s Affairs

Ray Hadley – Minister for Boofheads and Bogans

Michael Roche – Minister for Worshipping Coal (with Tony Abbott as his assistant)

Corey Bernardi – Minister for Ultra-extremism

Steve Price – Minister for Negativity and Grumpiness

Gina Rinehart – Minister for Exploitation and Advancement of Billionaire Wealth

Scott Morrison – Minister for Punishment

Peter Costello – Minister for Smugness

OK so we got a little silly toward the end there. What can I say, we were drinking. On the government benches, gender equality came without even trying (see Tony, not that hard). Not so when filling opposition positions. What does that say?