Tag Archives: raising twins

Saving your relationship from your kids

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A friend recently threw caution to the wind and bravely asked what all of us have probably wanted to ask a zillion times but were too skittish/scared/embarrassed. I’ll paraphrase her to protect the innocent. Is your relationship surviving your kids? Well is it?

Kids suck the life from your most significant relationship in more ways than you can count. I never seem to be able to write about a thing when I’m knee deep in it. Too emotional, too close for comfort, too much too soon. Maybe it’s dishonest of me not to, but I do know I have more insight when a crisis has passed. We all love hindsight right? I am also bound by my main rule of social media and blogging…husband didn’t sign up, so don’t sign him up. He gets right of veto on anything I put out there. My vow in social media and in general, is to never say anything publicly that would embarrass him, belittle him or cause others to think ill of him. I won’t discuss the intimate details of my relationship with him. But I’ll acknowledge that none of us are alone in various levels of relationship crises brought on by the little angels we, starry eyed and naive, brought into our lives.

There are things I know that see us through the tough times we’ve already had and are having and will have. One of course is dating. We have been totally crap at dating these past two years, but are determined to make it happen again. Leaving the house with nothing but your clutch in one hand and your partner’s hand in the other is a feeling like no other. For the first few minutes you feel like you’ve forgotten something, but then you ease into the quiet conversation that flows on and on without ever being interrupted for fight resolution, toilet assistance or apple peeling.

Quiet time alone has helped us too. We are both capital I Introverts. In the Myers Briggs sense. Time alone is not a luxury, it is a necessity. This is another thing that we are crap at, at the moment. When we make the effort to give each other quiet time, we stupidly wonder at the difference it makes. Like a lot of things, we know what helps, we just forget to do it. Running, for example. It makes me feel amazing, I should have my lazy ass out there every day but I’m doing well if I hit the road two or three times a week.

Some other things that help to kid proof your relationship…

Cuddle often in front of your kids. Don’t let them join in. Let them know that sometimes, mummy/daddy is more important than you are little one.

Let them see you fight, but make sure they see you say sorry.

My husband is trying to make me stop and take a few minutes, with him, just before sunset. The kids are playing, it’s cool, the light is lovely and he almost has to tie me down to stop me from being busy. When I do, it’s lovely. Stop together, every day.

This one I would like to do but it’s hard at the moment when my husband gets set upon the moment he walks in the door. I want me and him to be the first person he and I want to see and say hi to at the end of the day. We’ll get there.

When I am having a conversation with him, and the kids interrupt, they get scolded. I’m snatching some precious seconds here people, wait your turn! In a few ways and at some times, I do want them to know that he comes first.

Nothing new or particularly wise here. It’s hard. Young kids will make you or break you. They used to say that about travelling together. Nothing so far has been as hard as this for us. What is different now is that I feel great excitement for the years to come. I don’t have any doubt that it will be easier, more fun, full of laughs and maybe even some travel. I am already feeling moments of peace that I didn’t have for quite a few years. Just little pauses in the chaos that are coming more frequently and are lasting just that little bit longer.

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Parenting Panel

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Join us on ABC Brisbane local radio 612 each Wednesday for our parentage chat with Steve Austin.

In recent weeks on ABC612, we have talked about child health and fitness….

Listen here!

And we tackled the minefield of kids’  birthday parties…

Listen here!

And we tried to figure out the stages of parenting…

Listen here!

And just because…here’s Mummy doing the gardening.

Mummy gardening Oct 2012

Quit your bitching and get on with it

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This was supposed to be my New Year post. It’s a bit late. I always think a lot about new year’s resolutions, but this year I had more of a list of hopes and dreams for the year. 2013 is the year that I get on with my life, stop whining about how hard it is to raise twins and just live, be a family, without fear of mess, disaster, tantrums and poo painting. Here are my hopes for the year.

1. Be a nappy free household. I cannot wait to be living in a house full of people who are responsible for their own excrement. At the same time though, I fear starting toilet training. I am kind of hoping they’ll just figure it out for themselves without me having to actually train them. Please?

2. Eat out together. See my post on kids in cafes. Our first attempt was exciting to say the least. As long as I go along not expecting to have a leisurely breakfast (we were in and out within 45 minutes), I can certainly handle it. It was, I may as well say, FUN!

3. Go away on holidays together. We have not had any weekends away together as a whole family. We have had a couple of holidays with my parents and other family, but I am looking forward to just having weekends at the coast like normal people.I am not ready to fly yet, the trauma of our last attempt is still too raw, even a year on. Our first shot will be this weekend when we all head to the Goldie for two nights. We have even booked ahead for a three day Easter break. I am cautiously excited.

4. Remove the toddler gates. I am looking forward to walking freely through my house without having to hold three dinner plates under my chin whilst I open the child and adult and in fact human proof bloody gates that contain our existence. Two of three have already gone, but I am unwilling to open the flood gates of curiosity that are contained within the kitchen cabinets so the kitchen toddler gate will remain in place for a while yet.

5. Go out with my husband very regularly. We were doing well at this until 2012 reared it’s ugly head. We really pulled back last year because things were just a bit unpredictable and we were also so tired all the time. This year I want a date every two weeks.

6. Run better, faster and more often. So far so good. I have never run so often and so fast as I have this month. It feels great and I feel like there’s another half marathon in me. Maybe.

7. Be happy. I’ve spent a fair bit of time feeling sad, frustrated, crazy, lost and not myself. This year I am looking forward to getting back to being lighter in my spirit, taking more on the chin and looking more intently at the faces of my boys, for much longer.

I wanted a nice, neat list of ten. I think if I can achieve all this in a year, it will be a good year. This time last year I was girding my loins for a year of testing. I celebrate making it though without a breakdown, a walk out or a divorce. This year, we will live.