Really, how long can a kid go without eating a scrap of dinner? How on earth do they figure out so damn quickly that anything colourful must be a vegetable and therefore, is the enemy and is to be shunned, nay, thrown to the winds or ground into the tiny cracks between the floor boards? You’re two. How the hell do you know to reject healthy food? I know the last time you ate, I know you were strategically given no afternoon tea and I freakin know that I delayed dinner on purpose so that you’d be gut rumblingly hungry. You squeal with excitement when I bring dinner out but the minute you lay eyes on it your lips are zipped tighter than Campbell Newman’s* purse strings. Then comes the melt down. For the love of the Masterchef franchise, for the love of all things holy EAT!!
It has been a three day battle of wills. Night three has seen the breakdown of Mr Almost 5’s resolve not to eat his spaghetti bolognese as it contained the offence of peas and carrots. I only won because I had the almighty combined power of the TV remote control AND apple pie for dessert. Twin two was my knight in shining saliva for two nights, the only one that ate, until tonight, when he spat out his only spoonful of colourful goodness. It has been three days since twin one has eaten dinner. He and I are eyeing each other across the battle ground, spoons in hand, both as unwilling as the other to budge. It doesn’t matter what I do, it doesn’t matter what new ideas I try, how hard I hide the good stuff, how small I chop it, I am having the same fight every mother lovin’ day of my life. And oh, how I am over it.
I know what you want kid. You want a biscuit, a drink of milk, yoghurt, porridge, you want cake, you want custard. You want life to serve you up treats without the pain of broccoli. You want saturated fats with no investment in complex carbohydrates. Well kid, I am in the throws of desperately trying to avoid Dirty Harry quotes as I say to you, you and I are not finished. I will meet you on the battle ground for as long as it takes for you to understand that I will not compromise on your dietary health. Until the point of course where your unbending will crushes my determination to ensure you eat colour.
*non Queensland readers – conservative State Premier who is in the process of gutting social services and sacking thousands of state workers to ‘balance the budget’
Passing Phase 
Last Wednesday was the last time the squeaker ate any dinner. We partly blaming teeth but I think we’re kidding ourselves.
teeth! always the teeth!
This is so well written, I’m tempted to laugh at what would be comedic elements if it was a Hollywood movie. Except it’s your life and obviously some parts aren’t that fun.
ps. I know I hated pumpkin as a kid, but can’t imagine why now. It’s brilliant stuff.
naw Muzz, so kind. but please, laugh away! what would we have if we couldn’t laugh at the insanity of our lives?
Magic post once again! I have hearty eaters, except for my anomaly, Mr 4 year old Twin…happily survives on air each dinner time unless it’s pasta or vegemite toast. Loved rissoles one night..so I made them again…n.o.t. a. c.r.u.m.b would pass the lips. It’s almost comical as he sits hunkered down behind his fear of the new and colourful, as his twinny sister polishes off whatever is given to her, asks for more, and wants tries everything new. Apparently he’ll still make to 6 ft one day. *sigh*
thanks Jude! and I will try the pancakes. AND I have decided to not worry about dinner so much, good advice thanks!!
p.s …my saving grace is the egg pancake…a little, highly palatable protein pack…one egg, 1/2 cup milk, and 2 T flour. Blitz the mix, and fry it in bit of butter. Makes a thin crepe like pancake, that my munchkins love. I top it with mashed banana or grated apple and some plain greek yogurt. They have NO idea how much good stuff they just inadvertently ate….Mwahhhaaa.
Some expert did once tell me that littles don’t do dinner, it’s too late for their little tums and tired little selves…it’s better to offer the bulk of their calories at lunch and afternoon tea, and just a light dinner…I know this and still forget…*slap head* as I just remembered then,… to so wondrously pass the information on to you… 😉
Hah! I have resigned myself to the fact that the once-white grout between the tiles on our kitchen floor will remain a mottled gray mess until we get past the sudden-throwing-of-food phase…whenever the heck that may be. Maddening.
yeah, we have to choose our battles eh? In our lovely warm weather, it’s awesome to just feed them on their little table in the back yard so any food that gets thrown is taken care of by the birds!!